I never realised how hard grieving could be, its an emotional rollercoaster. People think you are ok when you are not and then when you say how you are feeling people seem to either avoid you or tell you to move on.
I have however managed to find some new friends through my grieving in groups via facebook.

We all have very different stories but the one thing we all share is our Grief. I have learnt that it is ok to chat about how you feel, and my new friends do not condemn me when i feel angry or want a good rant, after all losing a baby,child or any loved one is the hardest thing that we have to face as humans.

There are days where i do not even feel like getting out of my bed, days where i feel like i caannot go on any more, then you get the days where you laugh so much you think that your ribs may break.


I am good at hiding how I am feeling in case i upset my children and have built a brick wall at my hardest of times through my grieving proccess. I have asked many questions about how do you grieve? and i come to the conclusion that i have to take little steps in order to heal mmy heart, soul and mind.

I am allowing myself to have days where i cannot be bothered if i dont do anything, the housework wil get done when it gets done and as long as my children are fed, watered and loved they will be fine as well. I am lucky to have the support from my husband who is always there to offer an ear,hug or make me a cuppa tea or make sure that I eat.

I feel like fathers are sometimes left out with the death of a child but there is also a group that runs along side grieving mothers called Grieving fathers

I am trying as well in my grieving to make people aware of how my sons condition took his life at just 16 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy

my son Oliver suffered with Myelomeningocele
Myelomeningocele is the most severe spina bifida type. It occurs when the spinal cord is exposed through an opening in the spine, resulting in partial or complete paralysis of the parts of the body that are below the spinal opening. The paralysis may be so severe that the affected individual is unable to walk and may have urinary and bowel dysfunction.In olivers case his condition was so bad that not only had he been paralized but also had severe brain damage which was so horrific and to the extent that Oliver would have never survived birth.

Preventing Spina Bifida
Recent studies have shown that one factor that increases the risk of having an NTD baby is low folic acid status before conception and during the first few weeks of pregnancy. If all women of childbearing age were to consume 0.4 mg of folic acid prior to becoming pregnant and during the first trimester of pregnancy, the incidence of folic acid preventable spina bifida and anencephaly could be reduced by up to 75%!!

If you are howeveer and older parent like myself it is important to see your GP to be prescribed rthe right dosage as the usual dosage for women younger may not be enough

What is Folic Acid?
Folic acid, a common water-soluble B vitamin, is essential for the functioning of the human body. During periods of rapid growth, such as pregnancy and fetal development, the body's requirement for this vitamin increases. Folic acid can be found in multivitamins, fortified breakfast cereals, dark green leafy vegetables such as broccoli and spinach, egg yolks, and some fruits and fruit juices. However, the average American diet does not supply the recommended level of folic acid.